seek.

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. "

Matthew 7:7-8

I have this habit of forgetfulness. Each year I set a word that drives the coming year's goals, focus, and energy. I tend to forget my Word of the Year until October. Okay, that may be an exaggeration. Last year's word was intentional, and I technically succeeded. I intentionally made it to this year and found little pockets of joy in a year that brought a wee bit of turmoil. However, the way that I focus on my word of the year never really turns out how I plan.

So, I have decided to work through my word of the year differently and leave you with a challenge.

This year after a bit of prayer, a few word generators, and some revealing moments I have decided that 2021's word of the year is "seek." After 2020, a fever dream, I realized I needed to get back to the basics. The basics are going to help me out of the funk I have been stuck in since 2018. 2021 is a big year for me. This year I am graduating and being thrown out into the world. And the way things are going, I am more likely to sink than swim.

Let me get a bit more vulnerable. This past year I felt as though I was a Christian only by name and not by action. I may be viewing this with a negative slant, but anytime somebody said that they were encouraged by my faith, love, and joy for the Lord, I felt a twinge of guilt. The guilt stemmed from feeling far from God and unsure of what it meant to be in a relationship with Him. It all felt awkward and wrong. This is the funk that I have been in.

I have this tendency of putting on a show. I play up the few muscle memory Christian actions I have and fake it pretty well. I have done this all my life. During the pain and need for help, I look like the "got it together leader" that I could be and suffer in silence. I am at the point where I kind of need my act more put together.

So, that's where seek comes into play. The type it into the google search bar definition is an "attempt to find (something)." The Mojade Definition takes that and goes a bit further. For me, this year, seek means to slow down enough to actually be aware of the things to come, the things that happen, and the things that are hoped for. To seek means to ask questions and be willing to look very stupid while on my quest of figuring it out. This year I have to seek. If I don't, I will miss out on opportunities to share, encourage, and challenge those that I love and will know.

So, this year my word of the year comes with a few statements and a personalized definition. This year I will have people hold me accountable and call me out (even if it hurts my feelings). The challenge I leave for you for 2021 is to also find your word of the year? However, define it yourself. Put it into a ton of sentences. Make goals of how you want it to look in your life. Then share it with friends, family, and even strangers (me, I am the stranger!). Even if 2021 looks a lot like 2020, let's make sure it is a lot less traumatic!