The Last One
…for the year (probably). Don’t worry I have battled writer’s block since my last post and my current method is starting a bunch of new projects. Do not fear, I’m not giving up on this blog. I’m just all of a sudden inspired.
It’s fitting that I am breaking my most recent bout of writer’s block at a cool coffee shop while I am travelling. I am fully out of my routine and slightly out of my weird headspace. Pretty much it is a full circle from April’s coffee shop adventure that led us on the journey to FINALLY hit publish on this slow journey.
Gosh what to say? I mean first of all this post will be slightly chaotic and not at all melodic. But I need to get something down. I need to stop holding myself to this weird standard of perfection that leaves me frozen. I am wavering between doing a little review of my chaotic year or sharing thoughts on what I hope for the upcoming one.
And my mind hasn’t decided so we are just going to take this journey together. We aren’t celebrating anything other than the fact that today is New Year’s Eve Eve and I am finally in a good place. My jobs (yes plural because I’m having fun and life is expensive) are no longer glittery, they are real and sometimes I want to go home. I am still very deeply single and find myself interacting with boys in the weirdest way because I am a silly goofy girl that thinks that being delusional is a solution (delulu is the solulu anybody? At least my mother thinks it’s funny.) And I am no longer angry just disappointed that this year has held some of the highest highs and lowest lows.
(I guess we are going introspective route.)
I recently started reviewing my year month by month and was shocked by how quickly things changed, but also how much has happened. I can’t help and think that the version of me that stepped into 2023 is so very different than the one leaving. And I’m feeling slightly emotional about all of it. Life continues to be unexpected and I have no clue what I want out of it.
I guess ultimately I want to be filled with joy. And this past year showed me that I have joy even when I shouldn’t. (Spoiler Alert: The source of that was/is God) But also I want to have fun. I want to have moments where I worry that I will pass out because I am laughing too hard. I want to feel seen, known, cared for, and appreciated. I want all of the big and little things to be seen and cheered on. I don’t think it’s wrong to want a little bit of positive reinforcement even if the task is expected of me. I want to make mistakes and see them as learning opportunities because I am in a safe place to do it. I want to do hard things scared. I want to dream big and actually believe I can succeed.
And you know what? I think Mojade at the end of 2023 is getting there.
I might see y’all tomorrow or next year… who knows, but I am simply excited. We are just gonna do life!