Word of the Year: Surrender
It’s funny how I haphazardly focus on one word for the year and then watch its impact on me throughout the year. You can say that when you intentionally focus on a specific aspect of life, you see it constantly. Almost like when you notice that your crush drives a specific burnt orange car, you always start to see that car. Unlike the light crush stalking, I like to think that something divine is happening. I sound awfully “woo woo,” but I fully embrace it, mainly because surrendering isn’t a vibe I particularly want for my year.
I wish I could remember my hopes and dreams for what I thought surrendering would look like in December. I remember sharing a beautiful speech about surrender’s potential for beauty and not suffering given to a room of people, which taught me how ugly surrender can be. The proverbial 2023 bingo card with surrender as the free space led to one heck of a mess that is my life.
There have been moments of doubts, questions, anger, tears (of course), and an overpowering to take control. However, this season isn’t one where I can make plans and orchestrate every moment. If I step into the true spirit of the word, I will make some intentional decisions to “let go and let God.”
Surrender seemed like this cool idea months ago. And now it is dumb, and truthfully I hate it. I am back to making pretty art with hot milk and cutting my coffee budget in half due to long shifts on my feet. Once again, the 2023 bingo card has a lot of marked spaces I didn’t expect, and I don’t feel like I have won the game yet. (Don’t worry; I will drop the bingo illustration.)
And while the spirit of surrender has led to moments where I felt like life was happening to me, there have been other moments where I think it has been an answer to prayer. In the past seven months of surrendering, I have learned that difficult situations place you where you need to be. And open your eyes to the things you are doing that make you miserable. There are times in our life when we have to grin and bear it, but there are other times when we must go through a pretty painful season of surrender to enter into a space where we are cared for.
So while surrendering is still not entirely the vibe, the results are pretty sweet *picture me sitting behind a coffee bar sipping on an iced vanilla latte*.